IDM FANTASY CAMP!
Live vicariously through your IDM heroes, all for free!
Yes, you too can live large like your idols in the IDM business at the
Reuterz Resort and Casino Complex, an abandoned off-shore oil rig only
thirty clics off the shore of Antigua, in the Bahamas.
After being whisked into the complex by helicopter, relax on the deck with
a cool margurita as your favorite IDM musicians and record executives are
kidnapped and held at gunpoint within a maximum-security steel cage, forced
to prostrate themselves for your pleasure, making music and staving off
disease, starvation, and the odd prison riot and/or gang rape, all at no
cost to you!
You heard right, fan: we recover the immense costs of this operation by
stealing the musicians' lunch money (and the musicians), and pass the
savings on to you!
But don't take our word for it. Let's have a listen to these visitors'
testimonials:
"I thought it would be a horrifying experience, but
it was kind of fun watching the guards wail on those two
guys from Orbital. I mean, if the Hartnolls are going to try to
shiv the Chemical Brothers, they should know what they're
getting into.
Plus I loved the five-star treatment I received at the
Reuterz Resort and Casino Complex: back rubs, frosty mugs
of cerveza, hammock naps; all in full sight of the musicians
behind the steel cage wall, and for no money down.
It was such a relaxing feeling to wake up from an afternoon
snooze and have the prisoners finish up their custom-made MP3
tracks, all ready to go for me to listen to as I relax in the
sun and work on my tan."
-A.R.
"You rotten people should be ashamed of yourselves,
that you physically and mentally abuse these artists
only nine out of twelve months in the year. It's a
disgrace."
-E.I.
Sorry, E.I., but we have to close over the summer season to give our
security guards a little vacation time. We look forward to seeing you next
season, though!
It's not all blood and guts at our entertainment complex. Hear what one of
our longtime artists-in-residence has to say in a drugged, stilted voice:
"We love it here. It is a worker's paradise at the Reuterz
Resort and Casino Complex. It is a genuine pleasure to give
back to our grateful fan base, who have given us so much...
...let us out of here you rat basta..."
-Ryjan Kidwell, aka "Cex"
Tsk, tsk! Back to the "box" with you, Ryjan!
___
So sign up now! Seating, while free, is limited and available on a
first-come, first-served basis.
Are you not entertained? Be sure to ask us about our five-day/four-night
Premium vacation package, which includes continental breakfast and a Prison
Escapee-Hostage insurance plan.
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