Well, it seems that phase one of Richard's plan has come together quite
nicely... The release of Richard D. James was cleverly set to appear at
the precise moment when the idm community had just finished cleaning up
the puddles of drool caused by the release of the Girl/Boy ep. He waited
until we were at our weakest : eagerly awaiting the coming of his next
album.
The ensuing controversy over the length, technical aspects, and
artistic merit of his latest release has led the idmers into argument, and
the inevitable division of our people. In weeks to come, the chasm between
those proclaiming 'it sucks!', and the 'it rules!' school of thought will
be widen... A ruthless battle shall soon follow, dividing the idm clan
once and for all. Turmoil fueled by angst, aggression, a mutual loathing
of 'the non believers' and unresolved top 10 lists will cause the collapse
of the mailing list as we know it... Facing the prospect of no longer
being able to argue the merits of original FAX pressings, jungle vs. drum
& bass, the correct pronounciation of Autechre, electronic music
subgenres, or the origins of techno, citizens of the former idm republic
will aimlessly wander the reaches of cyberspace in a desperate search for
someone who will appreciate the virtues of trainspotting...
Then, out of depths of the cold binary world, there will emerge a
figure, a saint if you will, who will not only listen to one's incessant
ramblings about pitchable cd players, FSOL live ISDN broadcasts, but who
also knows how the em;t series numbering works. We will flock to this new
god like figure... Who is none other than the Aphex Twin himself! And soon
we shall fall under his evil influence... For you see, Richard and Mike
Paradinas (the true reason behind the 'Aphex Twin' moniker) will use us as
their mignons in bringing down the entire music industry from the
inside... They will have to act soon, before techno/idm become mainstream,
and their cover is blown! Warp is secretly sponsoring this event-feeding
DJs, radio stations and music columnists with freebies in order to weaken
our defenses- because it is they who will take over the world once Rich &
Mike have paved the way!
Much blood will be spilt, and many lives lost at the hands of the kings
of electronic music. And how do I know all of this? It was revealed to me
in a vision induced by listening to the Richard D. James album whilst
astraly projecting myself into one of Richard's homemade synthesiszers
(called 'Synthia'), and feeding on the cosmic energy released by the
silicone chips made of sand from the beaches of Goa.
Jas
- indifferent to the release of the Richard D. James album