Ok, I had a good laugh at this review, now I'm going to try to make sense of
it all and reveal the poster's *real* feelings..
TO ALL THE QUICK-SCAN READERS - Incase you think I'm some kind of psychopath,
I'm not *replying*, I'm interpreting the poster's comments on this LP, and it
may be extreme, but please take it in the spirit it was intended..
In a message dated 30/01/97 11:22:04, you write:
quoted 1 line REVIEW> REVIEW
OPINION BASED ON SUPERFICIAL LISTENING
quoted 2 lines The best thing about this CD is the fact that I did not have to> The best thing about this CD is the fact that I did not have to
> pay full price for it.
The worst thing about this CD is that it doesn't have a CD-Rom section with
some trippy computer graphics and lots of pictures of Aphex doing really mad
stuff.
quoted 7 lines I got it for $13.75, which makes the applied cost just under a> I got it for $13.75, which makes the applied cost just under a
> dollar per track, which for the first time in my Aphex Twin buying history
> equals pretty much what each track is actually worth, if that much.
> On the whole, though, I must stick to my position in stating that
> this is a ridiculous excuse for a release and the man really needs to
> re-work the whole thing. The tracks are so short that they are almost
> pointless
I listen to music on a cent-per-minute basis, rather than any notion of
artistic merit. I do not like it when people make such short pieces of
music, as my brain is made up of 90% useless soft jelly with the real brain
weighing in at 5 grams in the middle, and tracks I listen to have to be long
so they have time to penetrate this soft jelly.
quoted 1 line Most of the disc is either childish or crass or both and quite frankly,> Most of the disc is either childish or crass or both and quite frankly,
I've
quoted 1 line had farts that sounded better.> had farts that sounded better.
I have no sense of humour.
quoted 2 lines This release is not at all exemplary of> This release is not at all exemplary of
> Aphex Twin's prior and monumental endeavors.
This release has no 4/4 bassdrum, sounds nothing like his old records (a
cardinal sin) and doesn't even have any ambient bits (my definition of
'ambient' is bits without drums), and pays absolutely no respect to the Laws
Of Techno Music Making, so therefore I am compelled to hate it.
quoted 4 lines This CD is so bad that I> This CD is so bad that I
> wonder if this was not intended to be a joke, or an experiment on the part
> of the artist to see just what the public will buy just because it has his
> name on it.
After years of Speed and Ecstasy use and long hard nights of raving, I have
become paranoid to the extent that I truly believe Aphex is the devil.
quoted 3 lines In that instance I would have to give a hand-clap, for I was> In that instance I would have to give a hand-clap, for I was
> indeed inticed by expectations based solely on his previous reputation and
> history.
It sounded so different to his old records that my brain couldn't process it
and said 'Data: Rewind Tape'.... Therefore I am compelled to hate it.
quoted 3 lines In any other case I would have to suggest that RDJ try composing> In any other case I would have to suggest that RDJ try composing
> sober and after a good night's sleep - for his presumed lifestyle has
> finally taken its toll on his creative abilities.
I think our glorious techno god musicians should stick to the ten
commandments as written in stone by Kraftwerk, and stop being influenced by
these scummy nigger drum and bass musicians.
quoted 2 lines On the other and more objective hand, I must admit that nothing is> On the other and more objective hand, I must admit that nothing is
> all bad. I did experience a few good moments while listening to this CD.
There were some moments that were actually accessible to my backwards mind.
He should remix Bush.
quoted 2 lines And, I did listen to it 4 times in a row - which proves that while it> And, I did listen to it 4 times in a row - which proves that while it
> might really suck, it's not impossible to listen to.
It's alright for 'playing round the house' I suppose...
quoted 3 lines and the general mood is similar to that of a Radio Shack> and the general mood is similar to that of a Radio Shack
> electronics display and not the severe dark and dramatic Aphex Twin most
> of his enthusiasts have come to expect.
My definition of 'Dark And Dramatic' is lots and lots of Distortion, which is
a very rebellious thing to do. Kraftwerk would not be pleased.
quoted 5 lines The cover art is well-done with> The cover art is well-done with
> the exception of the scrawled type of the titles.
> I continue to ponder the
> point of listing titles if you aren't going to make them readable. Why not
> return to the non-titled mode of SAWII?
He should have used the tried and tested Designers Republic font, as all
techno music has to be completely synthetic and bear no relation to it's
human creators. Just like Kraftwerk. He should remix Bush.
quoted 1 line The back cover is interesting -> The back cover is interesting -
I glanced at the back cover
quoted 2 lines I can't tell if it's snippets from the front image or a photo-montage> I can't tell if it's snippets from the front image or a photo-montage
> homage to the vagina, but I'm not complaining either way.
I'm not going to take this back to Tower and change it for a Bush CD *just*
yet.. By the way, I think it would be a really good idea if he remixed Bush.
Or Kraftwerk, if they were still alive.
quoted 3 lines The inside> The inside
> jacket is a step above hack computer imaging and the gatefold is something
> we can only hope for if he continues to release crap like this.
I bought 'Ventolin' because of the 'crazy and wacky' picture of someone's
skinned face on the cover. I haven't actually played the record, come to
think of it.
quoted 1 line * Track One: "4" c.3m.30s> * Track One: "4" c.3m.30squoted 1 line A promising start which becomes disappointment inside 15 seconds.> A promising start which becomes disappointment inside 15 seconds.
I worship Moog modular synths, and any sound that hasn't got filter sweeps
and resonance is a cardinal sin as stated in the ten commandments.
quoted 1 line The tempo shifts are annoying because they are awkwardly thrown into the> The tempo shifts are annoying because they are awkwardly thrown into the
song.
It's those bloody drum and bass musicians at work again. And their dads, the
Jazz musicians.
quoted 1 line The beats are canned> The beats are canned
He isn't using an 808 which is truly one of the gravest sins. Afrika
Bambaataa must be turning in his grave.
quoted 2 lines The lone good point about this track is the vocal smaple and the> The lone good point about this track is the vocal smaple and the
> muted sound of a phone dialling.
I heard Mariah Carey use an effect like this once, and it sounds as good now
as it did then. God bless 'er.
quoted 1 line One of the more solid tracks on the CD.> One of the more solid tracks on the CD.
Some sounds I actually recognise, though the Prodigy have covered this
territory to much better effect.
quoted 1 line Nicely rounded synth waves in the background> Nicely rounded synth waves in the background
'Nice' is one of my favourite words. It's a nice word.
quoted 1 line with mostly regular beats - Nothing as simple as 1-2-3-4> with mostly regular beats - Nothing as simple as 1-2-3-4
-which was annoying-
quoted 1 line but consistent - more like 1-2-1-1-1-2-1-2-3-3-4> but consistent - more like 1-2-1-1-1-2-1-2-3-3-4
When listening to music I always have a few sheets of graph paper handy.
quoted 1 line * Track Four: "Fingerbib" (?) c.3m.40s> * Track Four: "Fingerbib" (?) c.3m.40squoted 2 lines This track is suck mountain with beautiful valleys in between the peaks of> This track is suck mountain with beautiful valleys in between the peaks of
> horribleness.
All pieces of music must sound 'nice', even the ones that use Distortion.
quoted 1 line He definitely needs to remix this one> He definitely needs to remix this one
He definitely needs to get Beaumont Hannant to remix this one
quoted 1 line removing the silly little ping-boing canned junk that sounds like the> removing the silly little ping-boing canned junk that sounds like the
Reading >Rainbow theme,
Removing all the bits that stop it from being played at the Ultratrip 14 rave
by Mixmaster Morris
quoted 1 line slowing it down a bit and keep the smoothe middle portions.> slowing it down a bit and keep the smoothe middle portions.
Fast music is for those african people, yada yada
quoted 1 line Typical Aphexian chaos beats,> Typical Aphexian chaos beats,
Being 'typical' counts for a lot in my opinion.
quoted 2 lines the CD suddenly skips and then dies - Something I have long wanted someone> the CD suddenly skips and then dies - Something I have long wanted someone
> to do.
He used an idea I thought of once - he must really be a genius!
quoted 1 line I have no idea why, I guess I figured it would sound neat.> I have no idea why, I guess I figured it would sound neat.
I have no idea why, as Kraftwerk never did it, but a little experimentation
isn't so sinful, as long as it's 'nice'.
quoted 1 line * Track Seven: "Goon Gumpos" (?) c.1m.57s> * Track Seven: "Goon Gumpos" (?) c.1m.57squoted 2 lines Sounds like Christmas Muzak at the intro - continues to suck throughout> Sounds like Christmas Muzak at the intro - continues to suck throughout
> the rest of the track.
I don't celebrate Christmas, as it's such an old fashioned thing to do.
Kraftwerk would be proud of me, if only they were alive so I could meet
them.
quoted 1 line * Track Eight: "Yellow Calx" (?) c.2m.55s> * Track Eight: "Yellow Calx" (?) c.2m.55squoted 2 lines A contender for the top of the list! But then, it's less than 3> A contender for the top of the list! But then, it's less than 3
> minutes long.
Which means it's a load of shhhhiiiiit.
quoted 1 line * Track Nine | Girl/Boy Track One: "Girl/Boy Song" c.4m.40s> * Track Nine | Girl/Boy Track One: "Girl/Boy Song" c.4m.40squoted 2 lines The beats are> The beats are
> calm enough to let an actual melody through -
My brain is an old version (but it has low power consumption!) that
unfortunately cannot multitask, so I can only listen to one element of music
at a time.
quoted 1 line * Track Ten | Girl/Boy Track Two: "---------- Witch" (???) c.3m.30s> * Track Ten | Girl/Boy Track Two: "---------- Witch" (???) c.3m.30squoted 3 lines Sounds are not annoying here for one single reason:> Sounds are not annoying here for one single reason:
> The combination of mouth harp, slide flute and organ is strangely
> appropriate. Neat track.
Sounds a bit like those brilliant demos that Japanese designers build into
their modern digital synths (Kraftwerk loved digital synths) so it's fine by
me.
quoted 1 line * Track Eleven | Girl/Boy Track Three: "Milkman" c.4m.06s> * Track Eleven | Girl/Boy Track Three: "Milkman" c.4m.06squoted 1 line This is my favorite track - Qualitatively it isn't the best on the disc,> This is my favorite track - Qualitatively it isn't the best on the disc,
I don't like the music, but it's more than 4 minutes so at least it passes
the time until I die a horrible death.
quoted 4 lines but I love these lines:> but I love these lines:
> "I wish the milkman would deliver more milk when I'm yawning'
> and
> "I would like some milk from the milkman's wife's tits."
Kraftwerk would vomit if they heard this stuff! But hey, I'm a rebel.
quoted 1 line * Track Twelve | Girl/Boy Track Four: "Inkey$" (?) c.1m.18s> * Track Twelve | Girl/Boy Track Four: "Inkey$" (?) c.1m.18squoted 1 line Dark, eerie, grinding, TOOO DAMMNED SHORRRT!> Dark, eerie, grinding, TOOO DAMMNED SHORRRT!
Electronic music has to be repetitive to be good.
quoted 1 line * Track Fourteen | Girl/Boy Track Six: "Beetles" c.1m.25s> * Track Fourteen | Girl/Boy Track Six: "Beetles" c.1m.25squoted 1 line A stupid waste of disc space.> A stupid waste of disc space.
How dare he insult the Beatles!
quoted 2 lines Though the guy rambling about frying up vegetables with cheese is kind of> Though the guy rambling about frying up vegetables with cheese is kind of
> funny.
I'm mad, me. Everybody gets a bit mad once in their lifetime.
quoted 2 lines * Track Fifteen | Girl/Boy Track Seven:> * Track Fifteen | Girl/Boy Track Seven:
> "Girl/Boy (Red Ruth Mix)" c.3m.50s (?)quoted 1 line Very nice track - no real complaints -> Very nice track - no real complaints -
A very nice track - no real complaints
quoted 2 lines Ends with an energy-static type of craziness - wouldn't call it a hidden> Ends with an energy-static type of craziness - wouldn't call it a hidden
> track or anything...
A shame, as I could have been first on the idm list to proclaim it, and would
have been hailed as a musicological genius.
quoted 3 lines In conclusion I would recommend a total remix project. Take the> In conclusion I would recommend a total remix project. Take the
> best elements of the CD, lengthen them and re-release with an apology to
> the suckers who bought the rough draft.
'The Mix' was the best album Kraftwerk ever made. Shame they're dead now.
On Now?
This Brutal House - Nitro Deluxe