APHEX TWIN TRADES MUSIC FOR CONFISCATED "EVIDENCE" IN SCANDALOUS
DEA/CIA/WARP DEAL
WASHINGTON, D.C., MAY 9 (Reuterz)
In news so shockingly banal that it has predictably brought IDM-L to
its knees, it was found earlier this week that The Aphex Twin, whose
music has formed the foundation of anti-drug propaganda being
distibuted throughout the US, had been at the core of a secret
conspiracy between arms of the US government and the British concern
Warp Phamaceuticals and Records LTD.
Agreeing to waive licensing fees for his music, Aphex Twin received a
series of deliveries of approximately eighty kilos of Tijuana Gold
from what the DEA and CIA have labeled their "personal stash."
"If yer not part ov tha solution, yer part ov tha precipitate, like,"
said Richard "Amateur Chemist" James in a carefully dialected press
release. "Besides, how cannae pass up this kind ov ganja, like?"
CIA and DEA officials have denied any connections with the musician
or label but an anonymous source confirmed that "the skunk we shipped
was good shit, dude," and that the government was sad to lose all
that "prime weed."
"But, man, his music is so groovy, that we just had to trade up, you know?"
Ironically, it was not the music-dope connection resulting in
irritatingly condescending and moralistic anti-drugs commercials that
would be the catalyst for outrage. It would turn out to be the
irritatingly condescending and moralistic pro-drugs thread on IDM-L
that exploded the controversy and exposed the cover-up.
"Personally, it's clear to me that Metallica and Aphex Twin are
hypocrites, whittling away our personal freedoms piece by piece,"
commented list member Josh "I Wish I Had An Interesting Name" Brown.
"Personally, I think Josh Brown has been sniffing glue and should be
ridiculed on sight," said fellow list member Wells "Subtlety Is
Probably Not My Middle Name" Oliver.
There doesn't seem to be any end in sight to this madness. At least
until the moderator steps up and kicks some ass. Stay tuned for
complete coverage.
© 2001 Reuterz Inc. All rights to satirical use of registered trademarks
and names reserved.
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