Ok, I had a good laugh at this review, now I'm going to try to make sense of
it all and reveal the poster's *real* feelings..
TO ALL THE QUICK-SCAN READERS - Incase you think I'm some kind of psychopath,
I'm not *replying*, I'm interpreting the poster's comments on this LP, and it
may be extreme, but please take it in the spirit it was intended..
In a message dated 30/01/97 11:22:04, you write:
quoted 1 line REVIEW
> REVIEWquoted 2 lines The best thing about this CD is the fact that I did not have to
> The best thing about this CD is the fact that I did not have to
> pay full price for it.quoted 7 lines I got it for $13.75, which makes the applied cost just under a
> I got it for $13.75, which makes the applied cost just under a
> dollar per track, which for the first time in my Aphex Twin buying history
> equals pretty much what each track is actually worth, if that much.
> On the whole, though, I must stick to my position in stating that
> this is a ridiculous excuse for a release and the man really needs to
> re-work the whole thing. The tracks are so short that they are almost
> pointlessquoted 1 line Most of the disc is either childish or crass or both and quite frankly,
> Most of the disc is either childish or crass or both and quite frankly,quoted 1 line had farts that sounded better.
> had farts that sounded better.quoted 2 lines This release is not at all exemplary of
> This release is not at all exemplary of
> Aphex Twin's prior and monumental endeavors.quoted 4 lines This CD is so bad that I
> This CD is so bad that I
> wonder if this was not intended to be a joke, or an experiment on the part
> of the artist to see just what the public will buy just because it has his
> name on it.quoted 3 lines In that instance I would have to give a hand-clap, for I was
> In that instance I would have to give a hand-clap, for I was
> indeed inticed by expectations based solely on his previous reputation and
> history.quoted 3 lines In any other case I would have to suggest that RDJ try composing
> In any other case I would have to suggest that RDJ try composing
> sober and after a good night's sleep - for his presumed lifestyle has
> finally taken its toll on his creative abilities.quoted 2 lines On the other and more objective hand, I must admit that nothing is
> On the other and more objective hand, I must admit that nothing is
> all bad. I did experience a few good moments while listening to this CD.quoted 2 lines And, I did listen to it 4 times in a row - which proves that while it
> And, I did listen to it 4 times in a row - which proves that while it
> might really suck, it's not impossible to listen to. quoted 3 lines and the general mood is similar to that of a Radio Shack
> and the general mood is similar to that of a Radio Shack
> electronics display and not the severe dark and dramatic Aphex Twin most
> of his enthusiasts have come to expect.quoted 5 lines The cover art is well-done with
> The cover art is well-done with
> the exception of the scrawled type of the titles.
> I continue to ponder the
> point of listing titles if you aren't going to make them readable. Why not
> return to the non-titled mode of SAWII? quoted 1 line The back cover is interesting -
> The back cover is interesting -quoted 2 lines I can't tell if it's snippets from the front image or a photo-montage
> I can't tell if it's snippets from the front image or a photo-montage
> homage to the vagina, but I'm not complaining either way.quoted 3 lines The inside
> The inside
> jacket is a step above hack computer imaging and the gatefold is something
> we can only hope for if he continues to release crap like this.quoted 1 line * Track One: "4" c.3m.30s
> * Track One: "4" c.3m.30squoted 1 line A promising start which becomes disappointment inside 15 seconds.
> A promising start which becomes disappointment inside 15 seconds.quoted 1 line The tempo shifts are annoying because they are awkwardly thrown into the
> The tempo shifts are annoying because they are awkwardly thrown into thequoted 1 line The beats are canned
> The beats are cannedquoted 2 lines The lone good point about this track is the vocal smaple and the
> The lone good point about this track is the vocal smaple and the
> muted sound of a phone dialling.quoted 1 line One of the more solid tracks on the CD.
> One of the more solid tracks on the CD.quoted 1 line Nicely rounded synth waves in the background
> Nicely rounded synth waves in the backgroundquoted 1 line with mostly regular beats - Nothing as simple as 1-2-3-4
> with mostly regular beats - Nothing as simple as 1-2-3-4quoted 1 line but consistent - more like 1-2-1-1-1-2-1-2-3-3-4
> but consistent - more like 1-2-1-1-1-2-1-2-3-3-4quoted 1 line * Track Four: "Fingerbib" (?) c.3m.40s
> * Track Four: "Fingerbib" (?) c.3m.40squoted 2 lines This track is suck mountain with beautiful valleys in between the peaks of
> This track is suck mountain with beautiful valleys in between the peaks of
> horribleness.quoted 1 line He definitely needs to remix this one
> He definitely needs to remix this onequoted 1 line removing the silly little ping-boing canned junk that sounds like the
> removing the silly little ping-boing canned junk that sounds like thequoted 1 line slowing it down a bit and keep the smoothe middle portions.
> slowing it down a bit and keep the smoothe middle portions.quoted 1 line Typical Aphexian chaos beats,
> Typical Aphexian chaos beats,quoted 2 lines the CD suddenly skips and then dies - Something I have long wanted someone
> the CD suddenly skips and then dies - Something I have long wanted someone
> to do. quoted 1 line I have no idea why, I guess I figured it would sound neat.
> I have no idea why, I guess I figured it would sound neat.quoted 1 line * Track Seven: "Goon Gumpos" (?) c.1m.57s
> * Track Seven: "Goon Gumpos" (?) c.1m.57squoted 2 lines Sounds like Christmas Muzak at the intro - continues to suck throughout
> Sounds like Christmas Muzak at the intro - continues to suck throughout
> the rest of the track.quoted 1 line * Track Eight: "Yellow Calx" (?) c.2m.55s
> * Track Eight: "Yellow Calx" (?) c.2m.55squoted 2 lines A contender for the top of the list! But then, it's less than 3
> A contender for the top of the list! But then, it's less than 3
> minutes long.quoted 1 line * Track Nine | Girl/Boy Track One: "Girl/Boy Song" c.4m.40s
> * Track Nine | Girl/Boy Track One: "Girl/Boy Song" c.4m.40squoted 2 lines The beats are
> The beats are
> calm enough to let an actual melody through -quoted 1 line * Track Ten | Girl/Boy Track Two: "---------- Witch" (???) c.3m.30s
> * Track Ten | Girl/Boy Track Two: "---------- Witch" (???) c.3m.30squoted 3 lines Sounds are not annoying here for one single reason:
> Sounds are not annoying here for one single reason:
> The combination of mouth harp, slide flute and organ is strangely
> appropriate. Neat track.quoted 1 line * Track Eleven | Girl/Boy Track Three: "Milkman" c.4m.06s
> * Track Eleven | Girl/Boy Track Three: "Milkman" c.4m.06squoted 1 line This is my favorite track - Qualitatively it isn't the best on the disc,
> This is my favorite track - Qualitatively it isn't the best on the disc,quoted 4 lines but I love these lines:
> but I love these lines:
> "I wish the milkman would deliver more milk when I'm yawning'
> and
> "I would like some milk from the milkman's wife's tits."quoted 1 line * Track Twelve | Girl/Boy Track Four: "Inkey$" (?) c.1m.18s
> * Track Twelve | Girl/Boy Track Four: "Inkey$" (?) c.1m.18squoted 1 line Dark, eerie, grinding, TOOO DAMMNED SHORRRT!
> Dark, eerie, grinding, TOOO DAMMNED SHORRRT!quoted 1 line * Track Fourteen | Girl/Boy Track Six: "Beetles" c.1m.25s
> * Track Fourteen | Girl/Boy Track Six: "Beetles" c.1m.25squoted 1 line A stupid waste of disc space.
> A stupid waste of disc space.quoted 2 lines Though the guy rambling about frying up vegetables with cheese is kind of
> Though the guy rambling about frying up vegetables with cheese is kind of
> funny.quoted 2 lines * Track Fifteen | Girl/Boy Track Seven:
> * Track Fifteen | Girl/Boy Track Seven:
> "Girl/Boy (Red Ruth Mix)" c.3m.50s (?)quoted 1 line Very nice track - no real complaints -
> Very nice track - no real complaints -quoted 2 lines Ends with an energy-static type of craziness - wouldn't call it a hidden
> Ends with an energy-static type of craziness - wouldn't call it a hidden
> track or anything...quoted 3 lines In conclusion I would recommend a total remix project. Take the
> In conclusion I would recommend a total remix project. Take the
> best elements of the CD, lengthen them and re-release with an apology to
> the suckers who bought the rough draft.