The result is in for the 23rd Annual Stump-The-Lancebot Competition,
sponsored by the Ford Motor Company, Hyperreal, Grooves Magazine and
Reuterz LTD.
Our mission, as it is every year, is to solicit a mind-bending query
so infinitesmally obscure or impossibly retortable that Lance
"Lancebot" McGannon will have smoke coming out of his ears.
This year's sole contestant, Philippe Petit, immediately came up with
the following:
"When will men who piss like if their dick was a
watering can go pee into the wind?"
Philippe's offer of pidgin English was agonizingly painful reading,
yet oddly poetic -- yes, almost Pynchonesque in its lyrical bawdiness
-- and certainly puzzling.
With the Magic 8-Ball suggesting that I ask for a decision some other
time, our judging panel was flummoxed. After a brief handshake, the
8-Ball and I agreed to pass this on to Lance McGannon for final
determination, which was quick and decisive:
"Next Tuesday, probably around 11:40 in the morning."
Je suis tre desole, Philippe, but Lance nailed your question with
such ease that not even a Honorable Mention is deserved. He didn't
even break a sweat, apparently. No gardening tools for you -- but
thanks for playing, mon ami!
As for the rest of you chimps, readily taking part in mindless
discussions about candy and whether music should be more emotional
than intelligent, shame on you!
We just hope some of you muster up enough imagination to play the
game the next time around.
Pbbt!
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