sorry, ladles & gentlemints - this just arrived in my e-postbox fom an
old friend who up until quite recently couldn't tell aphex from kitaro.
thought y'all might get a chuckle. the "clinton quote" had me in
stitches.
Greg Oberfield wrote:
quoted 77 lines From http://www.
>
> >From http://www.theonion.com .. hilarious!
>
> -G
>
> =============
>
> WASHINGTON, DC--With first-quarter Club Rotation Index figures the lowest
> in seven years, and imports outselling domestic 12-inches more than
> two-to-one, economic observers throughout the U.S. are sounding the alarm
> over the nation's rapidly declining techno-industrial base.
>
> "America faces a grave moment of crisis," said DJ Nathan Brackett,
> Secretary of Industrial and Hardcore, in a recent speech before Congress.
> "Vinyl imports from both Europe and Japan are threatening our nation's
> once-great techno-industrial power base. Our Gross National Beats Per
> Minute is at its lowest point since 1991. The message is clear: We must
> fuck up the mix, or all is lost."
>
> In its late-'80s/early-'90s heyday, America's techno-industrial complex
> seemed unstoppable. Led by such formidable powers as Nine Inch Nails and
> Ministry, the U.S. achieved near-total dominance of the global dance-mix
> marketplace. Even in the traditionally insular Eurodisco field, the loud,
> banging, clamorous sound of American-made techno strongly influenced such
> foreign industrial powers as Front 242 and KMFDM.
>
> Less than a decade later, however, the glory days of the American
> techno-industrial complex seem far away. With over 20,000 former clubgoing
> elite out of work in the warehouse district of Chicago, and the Detroit
> house scene over $7 billion in debt, bitterness over the nation's eroding
> techno-industrial base can be felt throughout its once-thriving industrial
> centers.
>
> And with the rise of such overseas dope on wax as drum 'n' bass, ambient
> and jungle, the problem, experts say, is not going to go away any time soon.
>
> In fact, many fear that foreign competition from such heavy-hitting imports
> as England's Prodigy and Chemical Brothers, Germany's Atari Teenage Riot
> and Japan's DJ Krush--whose rare vinyl imports fetch up to $29.99
> domestically, even for a remix track--will overtake America's floundering
> techno-industrial base by the year 2000.
>
> Many, including NYC illbient's DJ Spooky, contend that fault lies in
> American industrial's inability to adapt to the changing realities of
> modern times.
>
> "We must retool America's angry, metallic, hard-edged industrial mix to
> better reflect the mellowtronic, groovadelic peace memes of the emergent
> global cyber-age," he said.
>
> California's DJ Shadow agreed. "We are being beaten at our own game.
> Trip-hop was invented here, but right now, the British are simply doing it
> better," he said. "America has got to seriously remix its priorities."
>
> In the face of the foreign dance-floor dominance, President Clinton is
> urging Congress to pump money into the revitalization of the nation's
> techno-industrial infrastructure.
>
> "It is not enough to say, 'We must drop bass.' It is not enough to say, 'We
> must rock the crazy beats,'" President Clinton said Monday in a secret live
> appearance at D.C.'s famed underground The 930 Club. "If American techno is
> to become the world's leader once again, we must drop much bass; we must
> rock mad, phat-ass, crazy beats; and we must do so quick-fast in a hurry,
> 24-7, 365. And I am out."
>
> Many conservatives in Congress, however, oppose to such change. "U.S.
> techno-industrial is hardcore, and it must stay hardcore," said Sen. Orrin
> Hatch (R-UT). "Would Al Jourgensen wear a T-shirt depicting smiley aliens
> telepathing 'Love' to their baggy-pantsed children? Techno should be about
> hate, not love. Techno is about wearing black and screaming, not standing
> in one place and swaying peacefully. I say, bring back the days of Skinny
> Puppy."
>
> "Techno? Industrial? I am not familiar with these strange terms," said
> Rolling Stone magazine's Jann Wenner, speaking from one of his boats. "I do
> understand, however, that something called 'electronica' is the Next Big
> Thing. It says so right on the cover of our latest issue."
signifier over signified signing off