From
http://www.freakytrigger.com/2000_05_28_hated.html :
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WE ARENT REASONABLE PEOPLE - WARP RECORDS
You might have thought that Morse code had been rendered obsolescent by
WAP phones and ISDN. Not so - the "dot-dash" lives on in its more
irritating "bleep-blop" incarnation, thanks to Warp.
Warp has been going for 10 years and have been churning out minimal
mid-tempo bleepy nonsense relentlessly over this period. Techno
chinstrokers will no doubt reminisce about the days of LFO, RAC and Tricky
Disco (maybe not) but the reality was that they were all crap. LFOs "We
are back" sounds like someone being beaten to death with a sampler in a
back alley by a Dalek. Nightmares on Waxs "Smokers Delight" - give me
strength.
To commemorate 10 years of bleepfoolery, Warp released a double-album of
its most important influences. Suffice to say, they were all losers like
the Ital Rockers and Farley Jackmaster Funk, not to mention the
long-suffering A Guy Called Gerald (i.e. "Vooooooooodoooooooo Ray" x 10
mins = yawn).
Worse than old records on Warp are contemporary ones, which seem to be
made mainly by a series of interchangeable bands with short names
beginning with "P" (Plone, Plaid, Plod, Pond, Poor et al). These bands
play songs constructed around three-finger chords on 19.99 keyboards - I
think some of them have only newly graduated from playing Axel F in Dixons
with one digit.
Even worse than that are "techy" Warp bands - the likes of Autechre,
Squarepusher and Boards of Canada. Give them a soldering iron and they
think theyre the Aphex Twin. Yes, it is technically quite impressive that
youve managed to wire a synthesizer to an Oric Atmos, via a Fairlight, a
hoover and a blender. But no, the noise that comes out at the end is not
even remotely musical (or interesting).
A plea for Warp in a language they might understand- BLOP BLEEP BLEEP
BLEEP, BLOP BLOP BLOP, BLOP BLOP BLEEP, BLOP BLOP BLOP, BLEEP BLOP BLEEP
BLEEP, BLEEP BLOP BLEEP BLEEP. For those of you with a WAPphone, thats
"BOG OFF".
Tanya Headon | dis/agree? | 6/1/2000
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Brian MacDonald <brianm@kuci.org>
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