My life story
1974 - Was born to a loving family of butchers and confectionery makers.
1976 - Was put to work in the family pond, skimming the surface for various
insects and 'processing' bilge
1979 - Saw my first green duck. Celebrated with a round of Olde English
1981 - Organised the first breakdancing competition for miles around, and
came fifth.
1982 - Ralf Hooter came for a dip in my pond after a heavy tour promoting
'Travelogue'. Got him to autograph my testicles.
1985 - Recorded my first track - myself splashing in the pond accompanied by
dad on the tin whistle. I still have some white label flexidiscs of this,
email me planespotters.
1986 - Enjoy success on Top Of The Pops, inhale much flour.
1987 - Half a pound of flour every day, shagged Anneka Rice more than I'd
care to admit.
1988 - Stop taking flour, go to raves. Organise infamous 'barleycorn' rave
at the pond, first live gig 808 State ever did, playing 'Flow Coma' and
'Sync/Swim', inspired by the the ritual drowning of Graham's pet dog by
Metroplex acolytes.
1989 - Lend a young Dickie 'beard' James the pond facilities to record his
first album, 'Stink Bombs On The Number 45 To Porthoustock Quarry', which
went down a storm in Luxembourg and Fiji. He should start wearing tights
again.
1990 - Warp use the pond pressing plant to make white labels of their first
release - 'profound sellotape' by Stone Roses pseudonym The Forgemasters.
1991 to date - Meditating. Doing nothing, spring comes, and the grass grows
by itself. The Anneka Rice poster is fading.
Cheerio!
What's On The Sound Burger?
Theme From The Carpetbaggers - Jimmy Smith